Nothing
by Miss A Bella
Summary: The Cullens left Bella in New Moon and Bella fell to bits, what happens when Bella decides to look for them?
1. Preface

**Preface**

Gone…

However hard I tried I couldn't stop myself from thinking about them.

Esme… Carlisle…

Rosalie… Emmett…

Jasper… Alice…

I couldn't bear to think the last name.

They had left, they were gone and I had no hope of ever seeing them again.

What had I done to deserve this?

I was curled up, unmoving, on my bed as I had been for the past forty-eight hours. I wasn't fully conscious, but defiantly wasn't asleep. I was just thinking, constantly thinking. I knew I should eat something but I don't think I could handle doing anything.

I could tell that Charlie's been in here because he had left food and water but I hadn't noticed him come in. I knew that I should feel terrible; I knew I was causing him worry but I just couldn't feel anything but despair. My heart had broken, I had felt it break.

**A/N**

**This is my first ever fanfic, please review and let me know what you think.**

**If you have any suggestions to help me improve please review or PM**

**Thanx, Miss A Bella  
**


	2. Tears

**Chapter two**

** Tears**

More days passed and I was still lying on my bed, I still hadn't eaten anything. Charlie was getting worried, I could tell, he wouldn't even let the Dr. Gerandy come into my room. I heard them discussing me sometimes; Dr. Gerandy started using words like catatonic. Once I would have known what it meant, once I would have cared. I had no emotion to spare.

After a week had passed my door opened and my Renée and Charlie walked into my room, I didn't pay them much attention until they started going through my clothes. It was then that I realised that they were packing a bag with all my summer clothes. For the first time in days I moved, I found myself sitting upright and silently watching them.

Charlie had noticed when I moved, he actually jumped even though I had made no noise.

"Bella, honey, Renée's taking you to Jacksonville," he said as he turned around to face me, "I thought you might like the sun."

I didn't realise I had moved until I found myself on the floor ripping the clothes out of the bag, screaming at my parents. There was no way that I was leaving Forks, this is where I had been happy, where my friends and family were, this is where the Cullen's were.

That thought made me forget that I was in a middle of a temper, that I was on the floor. The graze that I had been nursing in the past days ripped open into gaping hole that was red and inflamed.

The next that I saw was Renée was sitting on the floor next to me. I realised that she was wiping moisture from my cheeks. That's when I knew I had started crying.

I was useless, lying in a heap on the floor. Charlie helped Renée move me onto the bed and then left the room. She stayed with me, playing with my hair as I cried into the pillow. She stayed with me until I cried myself to sleep.

I woke up the next morning in my own bed; I knew I had slept a long time as was stiff and sore. Overnight I had descended into a protective shell of numbness. Without think I rose and dressed before going downstairs for breakfast.

The shock on Charlies face was apparent when I walked downstairs fully dressed that morning, no matter how hard he tried to hide it I could tell that he kept watching me, it was like he was waiting for me to fall into a dead faint or something.

I numbly got myself breakfast and sat down at the table without thinking about it. I knew that Charlie was still looking at me, I don't know whether he thought I was somehow miraculously better and had gotten over loosing… him… or if he was waiting for me to fall to pieces again. I know that I had completely freaked him but I'm pretty sure that Renée would have been able to convince him that I was better off in Forks after the fit I through the night before.

I slowly finished my breakfast and I was just cleaning my bowl when Charlie finally spoke.

"Bella, honey, are you ok?" he asked me cautiously, unsure of what my reaction would be.

I could feel myself freeze before answering.

"I'm fine Dad," I answered automatically realising that this was the first time since… he… left that I had actually talked to my father without flying into a temper. I could tell that there was something more that he wanted to say.

"Bella… I think you should go back to school, I think you need to see your friends," he finally said with hesitation clear in his voice. I could tell that he was watching me carefully again.

I didn't know what to say, I knew that my father was worried and I was going to send him crazy if he had to keep staying home from work to watch me. I also knew that he wouldn't go back to work until I went to school. It was then that I made up my mind that I would try to act normal for him, to save him from worry.

"OK Dad, I'll go back to school tomorrow, I miss Angela. Don't worry, I'm fine Dad, really," I told him. I could see that he was relieved that I was acting more normal.

I went back up to my room and started on the homework that I had been given last Friday. I hadn't worked on it at all and I figured I should have it ready to hand up when I went back to school.

I got myself a sandwich without thinking about it before getting back to homework. Charlie got pizza's for tea and we sat at the table to eat together. We ate in silence but it wasn't awkward, I could see that he was that he happy that I was still acting slightly normal.

After the meal I washed up the dishes before sitting with Charlie in front of the TV. I had finished all my homework and it was too early to go to bed. He was watching a game so I didn't have to make any effort to make conversation.

I excused myself as soon as it was a reasonable time to go to bed, I could feel that my numb shell was slipping slightly and I wanted to be on my own before falling to pieces. I managed to have a hot shower and fall into my bed before the tear in my chest ripped open with excruciating pain.

It was all I could do to curl up in a ball and hold myself together as the waved of pain rolled over me. I finally fell to sleep with tears still falling down my cheeks.

**A/N**

**Please, please, please review, I really want to know know what you think and you review help me to keep writing.**

**I know it may not be the best fanfic ever written but I can improve if you give me your opinions and suggestions.**

**Thanx, Miss A Bella  
**


	3. Shock

**A/N This is really just a filler chapter leading onto the next chapter when things start happening.**

**I have just posted a new story called Standing at the Edge of Darkness, please read it and let me know what you think.  
**

Shock

The shock on Charlies face was apparent when I walked downstairs fully dressed that morning, no matter how hard he tried to hide it I could tell that he kept watching me, it was like he was waiting for me to fall into a dead faint or something.

I numbly got myself breakfast and sat down at the table without thinking about it. I knew that Charlie was still looking at me, I don't know whether he thought I was somehow miraculously better and had gotten over loosing… him… or if he was waiting for me to fall to pieces again. I know that I had completely freaked him but I'm pretty sure that Renée would have been able to convince him that I was better off in Forks after the fit I through the night before.

I slowly finished my breakfast and I was just cleaning my bowl when Charlie finally spoke.

"Bella, honey, are you ok?" he asked me cautiously, unsure of what my reaction would be.

I could feel myself freeze before answering.

"I'm fine Dad," I answered automatically realising that this was the first time since… he… left that I had actually talked to my father without flying into a temper. I could tell that there was something more that he wanted to say.

"Bella… I think you should go back to school, I think you need to see your friends," he finally said with hesitation clear in his voice. I could tell that he was watching me carefully again.

I didn't know what to say, I knew that my father was worried and I was going to send him crazy if he had to keep staying home from work to watch me. I also knew that he wouldn't go back to work until I went to school. It was then that I made up my mind that I would try to act normal for him, to save him from worry.

"OK Dad, I'll go back to school tomorrow, I miss Angela. Don't worry, I'm fine Dad, really," I told him. I could see that he was relieved that I was acting more normal.

I went back up to my room and started on the homework that I had been given last Friday. I hadn't worked on it at all and I figured I should have it ready to hand up when I went back to school.

I got myself a sandwich without thinking about it before getting back to homework. Charlie got pizza's for tea and we sat at the table to eat together. We ate in silence but it wasn't awkward, I could see that he was that he happy that I was still acting slightly normal.

After the meal I washed up the dishes before sitting with Charlie in front of the TV. I had finished all my homework and it was too early to go to bed. He was watching a game so I didn't have to make any effort to make conversation.

I excused myself as soon as it was a reasonable time to go to bed, I could feel that my numb shell was slipping slightly and I wanted to be on my own before falling to pieces. I managed to have a hot shower and fall into my bed before the tear in my chest ripped open with excruciating pain.

It was all I could do to curl up in a ball and hold myself together as the waved of pain rolled over me. I finally fell to sleep with tears still falling down my cheeks.

Chapter 4-School

I was relieved the next morning when I was once again enclosed in my protective shell. I found myself fully dressed, down in the kitchen getting breakfast without really knowing how I got there. I knew that Charlie was watching me again, not sure whether I was going to make it to school or not.

I knew I needed to get out of the house, looking at all the pictures of my parents happy together was reminding me of things I didn't want to think about. I ate whatever was in my bowl and left quickly.

I jumped a little when I started my truck; it was a lot louder than the relatively silent house. I drove slowly keeping watching the road carefully, I was glad to see my protective shell hadn't affected my driving skills.

I was reminded of my first day of school at Forks when I drove into the parking lot, I had arrived early in my rush to get out of the house I was the only one there. I got out of my truck when other people started arriving, it seemed like I was the centre of attention again. I guess for some people that would be a good thing but all I wanted to do was melt into the sidewalk. I figured that everyone had heard of… their…. departure, I suppose I made so much more interesting after having the whole town in panic the night that I had been found curled up on the forest floor and being absent for the following week.

I hadn't realised that been standing in the middle of all the cars until Mike came up and started talking to me. He kept talking at me and asking questions but I could barely keep up with his chatter. My shell of numbness was wrapped so tightly around me that I had to concentrate on keeping upright while walking to my first class. I just hoped that I was responding in the conversation at the right times.

For once I liked going to my classes, they proved to be excellent distractions from unwanted thoughts, especially calculus. I could tell that Jess was a bit annoyed by my lack of conversation but I was really concentration on the work.

Lunch was horrible, everyone kept watching me. Most of them, unlike Charlie, were staring at me as if I was crazy. Only Angela and Mike were looking at me like they actually cared whether I was ok. Angela tried talking to me but soon stopped when she sensed or knew that I wasn't in any stare to make conversation. Mike also talked to me but ended up talking mostly to himself.

Although I didn't actively participate I payed close attention to the conversations around me to stop me from thinking about to people who were absent from the cafeteria.

Biology was hard and not because of the work. It didn't provide enough challenge to keep me from having to concentrate on stopping stay thoughts about the person who should be sitting next to me. Thoughts about… him.

PE was worse than usual, Mike was chatting to me as we walked towards the change rooms. He was unaware that I was actually paying no attention to him. We were doing basket ball again and I got hit in the head quite a few times, I also caused a domino effect when I fell over my own feet.

I was relieved when I was finally able to get into my truck and drive home. Charlie surprised me when he met me at the door; I thought he would have gone to work. I could tell he was worried as he tried to start quite a few conversations throughout dinner. They didn't last very long though as both of us aren't the type to chatter.

I spent most the evening concentrating on my homework, dreading the moment when the hole in my chest would rip open again. I even watched a game with Charlie.

I finally got into bed and sure enough, the hole ripped open with excruciating pain.

**A/N Please review, I'm not sure if I should carry on this story since not many people have reviewed. I would also like it if someone wanted to beta my stories for me, if you are interested please review or send me a pm to let me know.**

**Once again please read my new story and please, please review!!!  
**


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